(unsolicited) Advice to my 13 year old sister

Even though it seems like I was your age a long time ago and we’re almost ten years apart, for whatever reason, we’ll still be lumped in the same generation. That alone, is enough reason to drive my steel cage obligation as your older sibling to give some words of (partial) wisdom.

Keep a planner for all important dates, school assignments, birthdays, and tasks you have to do. It will look a little cluttered, the spine will bend and pages will fall out. But life is cluttered and pen stained hands are preferable to any missed opportunity.

You only ever have to use a dime size amount of toothpaste (trust me it’s more than enough). Same goes for shampoo.

There is no shame in buying bulk food. Or bulk socks. Or bulk anything. You get more bang for your buck and your college sized budget will thank you.

Always carry chapstick, an extra pair of socks, and spare change. All of these things will serve their own purpose.

Say thank you to baristas, bus drivers, servers, and cashiers. I can promise you, you'll probably do all of those jobs at one point in your life.

If you find you cannot make yourself focus on something, don’t stay up until the odd hours of the night forcing yourself (and failing) to concentrate. If you truly, honestly can’t go any further, go to sleep.

Waking up is a new start and it’s useless to stress yourself out over something you can’t control.

There will come a point in your life where you realize mom and dad were equal parts as terrible as they were wonderful. It’s going to prompt you to tell your friends you don’t want to have kids because children are messy and loud, but it’s okay to keep the real reason tucked away just for you. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.

But on that note, even if you wind up not wanting kids, always be kind to them. Children remain unjaded for only so long (a notion you’ll become well acquainted with). Smile when they smile at you, wipe the snot from their nose when they cry, choke back tears when they show you their macaroni art.

In your early twenties, get your heart broken. Get it completely destroyed. You’ll walk around with a dead thing in your chest for a little while, but it’ll be over before you know it. Learn who your real friends are, realize pain is not romantic, find you can accept an apology without offering forgiveness, and understand that sadness and anger, in moderation, doesn’t make you a small person.

From here on out, they’re going to judge you. They’re going to label you. They’ll call you a “millennial” they’ll say you’re “self centered” and “incorrigible” and talk about how the world will pass you by. (Hypocrites, they’re all hypocrites, every last one of them, remember this). They’re going to lump sum you and your peers and ream you for not respecting your elders, and never understanding the value of hard work. Whenever there’s a disruption in the status quo, you’ll be the first to blame.

And I’m sorry, but as a young woman - and a person of color at that - you’ll fall in and out of the pitfalls of being too much and not enough. I’m sorry this bullshit exists and life will force you to be strong but oh so silent.

Before time separates us, before I start yelling at you and your friends to get off my lawn, I want you to know this: be yourself as loudly as you can. You are not a figurine with a price sticker on your forehead, you are not a two dimensional comic strip character drawn by an outdated hand, you are not a subversion of your culture and I hope society stops using the word “oriental” and deconstructs “white feminism” by the time you’re my age. Most of all, I hope you read this and realize your sister had no idea what she was doing and it’s okay that you don’t either. No one does and realizing that is the beauty of growing up.